A beautiful sunset from my backyard, and a message God has put on my heart.

You may have noticed (or not, and that’s okay) that I have been gone for awhile. Almost a year and a half, now.

Peter Cottontail Cloud

It wasn’t planned, but it was filled with purpose, intentional change, health issues, ups and downs, and a big adjustment to life. With my chronic illness (migraines) and corresponding anxiety and depression, it’s been a rough year, health wise. I’ve felt defeated. I’ve felt a deep darkness and sadness, a mourning for a life without pain. A mourning for the Mom and Wife, Daughter, and Friend I should be.  While I’ve suffered from all of these things for many many years, it had reached a peak. A really awful peak. Sure, it ebbs and flows (not so much the chronic pain, which is most always present), but, I am starting to see the up. Praying it so.  I’ve seen some real darkness in my life. A place where I am not even sure how I got there. Or how I’d climb and claw my way out. I’ve questioned God’s presence in my life, because how can I suffer so much and have Him still love me and have this as His plan for me? I’ve questioned my own existence. How can I be made for this Earth, this life, with such heavy burdens, both physical and mental. It’s taken its tolls on all aspects of my life. Anxiety and depression (along with my ever-present body pain) are monsters, but ones I’m both familiar and comfortable with, as they are my constant companions. I both hate them and respect them, as they are a part of me. Will we be lifelong friends? Maybe. Probably. But I am changing things. This is my year. Okay, maybe it wasn’t a good first three months, but we’ve still got time. Getting control of my “things” and my many hangups is priority. Changing up medications, expectations, and healthy living have been monumental these last few months. I’ve started yoga, daily workouts (save for those awful migraine-filled mornings), gluten free diet, less dairy, no cheese (it’s a trigger, among many others), and a more positive outlook, and it’s been so helpful. Do I allow myself to feel when I’m sad or upset? YES. Shoving down my hurt only hurts me more. And more deeply. Some days, I may not be ready to tap into my hurt, but when I am, I am here for myself. SELF CARE. Caring for myself. Not in a selfish way, but in a necessary way. I want to be the best me I can be for my boys, family, friends, students, co-workers, and this Earth. Because I AM FOR THIS EARTH, temporarily at least. Despite my questioning of my God, He’s never left my side. He’s been faithful, although I haven’t. He’s there. He’s here. I am His, and He is mine. This is especially poignant to me this Easter weekend. The greatest love story ever told. I am redeemed in Him. I will rise. I will rise. As Christ was raised to life. Now in Him, I live. I might not rise today, or tomorrow, but I’m getting there.

And I’m quite thankful for those who have supported me on this sometimes ugly journey. It has not been pretty or packaged up in a cute little box, as I’d have preferred, but in really messy, torn open, pieces missing, package kind-of-way.

But this is who I am. Perfectly created imperfectly in His image.

Talk about what hurts. That’s been ringing in my ears for some time. I’m ready.

So in all of that, my vision for my blog has changed drastically. I have adopted a more raw, vulnerable way of writing. I have also changed the way I eat, so my recipes will reflect that. More organic, more natural, like I aspire to be in my everyday life. You’ll also see a lot more dairy free (sometimes) and gluten free recipes.

Please keep me company on this new, refreshed, redeemed journey? I’d love to have you along.

I am segueing into food now. Because this is a food blog, afterall. No clever segue, however.

I know that Hot Cross Buns are traditionally eaten on Good Friday (yesterday). According to some random website on The Interwebs, “The buns mark the end of Lent and different parts of the hot cross bun have a certain meaning, including the cross representing the crucifixion of Jesus, and the spices inside signifying the spices used to embalm him at his burial.” In my typical blogging fashion, I made something Hot Cross Bun-ish a day after Good Friday. Side note, Good Friday is called such because, in my humble opinion, what Jesus did was GOOD. It was a horribly, hard time, but how he died for ME, for YOU, for US, was good. How do I deserve such great love? I don’t. And He loves me still.

So, I made Hot Cross Bun Muffins and Hot Cross Bun Donut Holes. An updated version of the amazing and delicious Hot Cross Bun. Gluten and almost dairy free.

So, please tuck this recipe away for next year. Or when you need a reminder of God’s overwhelming, incredible love, or of how far you’ve come in your journey, all while eating a treat. 😀

Big love and blessings,

Kristin

www.twloha.com

 

Print Recipe
Gluten Free Hot Cross Bun Muffins and Donut Holes
These muffins and donut holes are gluten free and mimic the flavors of a traditional Hot Cross Bun. These can be made dairy free with DF butter.
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 18+ minutes
Servings
12 muffins, 12 donut holes
Ingredients
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 18+ minutes
Servings
12 muffins, 12 donut holes
Ingredients
Instructions
  1. Preheat the oven to 325F. Grease the bottoms and tops of your silicone donut hole baking pan and put cupcake liners in your muffin tin. Cream butter, oil, and sugars in a mixing bowl. Add the eggs and continue beating. Add the baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, allspice, raisins, and chocolate chips and mix well. Add the flour and milk, alternating, and end with the flour. Spoon into silicone mold, filling only the bottoms. Fill the muffin tins. Bake for 17 minutes. Remove the donut holes. Bake the muffins for an additional 7 minutes. To add the "cross", I mixed together powdered sugar, LorAnn Oils Butter Vanilla Bakery Emulsion, vanilla, and coconut milk, until I reached the desired consistency. You can use orange juice and powdered sugar. Or just vanilla. Get creative! I then spooned it into a ziploc bag and piped the cross on the "buns". Enjoy!
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12 comments on “Easter Redemption”

  1. This is my favorite blog post so far. Very authentic. I like the new tone you’re taking. And I may just have to try the recipe too esp since I can make it dairy free!

  2. Your positive attitude, eating right and an exercise regime will make you healthy and strong! We all love you, are behind you and routing for you all the way!!

  3. Kristen, dear sweet Kristen. You are so special and cared about probably more than you realize. We are all out here and around you. Have faith and continue to do what you are doing. Hugs to you all, the boys and Maaaaat! Joani.

  4. Beautiful! I know about Living with migraines and it is so hard. Life still happens, kids still need their mama, and telling your husband every day that your head hurts again is exhausting. Prayers and hugs for you.

    • Thank you sweet friend! I’m so sorry that you know about living with them too. It’s sometimes just too much but God always provides. Big hugs back!

  5. My dear Kristin

    It had been a long time since I visited Sprinkles in My Lunchbox so today I decided to catch up. I was intrigued by the Redemption post (after I read the macaroon recipe of course!) so I decided to read it. With tears in my eyes I read on and on only to be made aware that I knew nothing of your struggles. My heart ached as I read of the migraines, pain, depression, anxiety, and your struggle with loss of faith. You have touched me to the core, with your openness to share these dark times.

    How can I share this burden with you, I ask myself. Awareness is key, and prayer is the path on this journey. And that I know I can share with you. Your being and your courage to face these challenges, have found a home in my heart and will now be part of my own spiritual journey.

    We do what we can do, and you are doing the things to keep you healthy: emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Just know that you are not now, nor will you ever be alone on your journey.

    Love you!

    • Oh Aunt Ro! I love you! Thank you for this. Sometimes it’s easy to put on a face, but struggle on the inside. It’s my hope that in sharing what’s on the inside will not only help me, but maybe bring some awareness to some really icky issues. Hugs! Get together soon!

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